How long?

When you go to another country, it’s customary to have a different pace of life. For most Americans this is particularly difficult to adjust to because, well, we like things done our way.

As someone who’s done a bit of traveling, I’m both aware of and sensitive to differences in time. For example, I know that when you visit a country you very quickly learn that for some people, arriving at 8 am is equivalent to arriving at 10 am. They will mosey in as if nothing’s wrong and you simply have to deal with it. Sometimes it’s entertaining and other times it’s infuriating.

It all depends on how you look at it.

Here in Kenya, life is much slower than in the U.S. . I knew that it would be coming in and (up untill today) it’s been a welcome change. I like having a leisurely meal while talking and laughing. I like chai breaks at 10:30 and the lack of stress in my office.

But as I’m sitting attempting to send an email with photos, I think I might hurt something. I don’t want to wait 65 (!?!?!?) days to download a file.

In all seriousness, that’s what my screen says.

I know that my download speed isn’t really Kenya’s fault. Instead, I think subtly God’s laughing at me as I sit fuming and attempting to look up Swahili swear words in my phrase book, You see, downloads aren’t the only thing I have a hard time waiting for.

I don’t like waiting for answers about my future and the specifics of my life. I don’t enjoy waiting while everything seems hopeless or when I can’t see an end in sight.

And more than anything, I hate waiting for God to fulfill his promises.

I think part of why I hate waiting has to do with my American-ness. To me, waiting is passive and I like to be active. If I have to wait, I’ll multi-task (like writing this blog post while I attempt to send an email). If I’m on the phone, I might clean my room or check facebook.

By itself, waiting seems like a waste of time.

Elizabeth Elliot has an infuriating quote that I always copy down for inspiration, and then make a face at. It talks about waiting being part of the process, part of the joy of becoming refined into Christ’s likeness.

She says:

When ours [plans] are interrupted, his are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless or wasted or unendurable) "toward the goal of true maturity."

Yes, because my ultimate happiness is wrapped up in the word “maturity.” Clearly this woman never had to wait for anything.

If you know anything about Elizabeth Elliott, though, you know that waiting made up most of her spiritual walk with God. Waiting for direction, waiting for peace, waiting for the man she loved for many years. Then, waiting to recover after he was killed shortly after their marriage.

So she might know a little bit.

This summer, I’m in an office mostly by myself, in a different culture, reliant on many other people for direction and understanding. Somehow, I have to get to work on time, schedule interviews, meet with directors from 6 different departments, and plead with my computer to connect with the Internet on a daily basis. Each day I write myself a little “to do list” and make boxes to check off what I’ve done. I rarely finish half of what I’m supposed to.

For this season, waiting is my life. And I think God wants it that way.

Today my mom sent me a facebook message telling me how incredible it is that I have time. Time to think and process, time to spend alone with God. In the past I’ve challenged myself to pray longer and occasionally withdraw from people to grow in my faith. But most of the time it doesn’t happen, at least not like I want it to.

So here I am, frustrated and in a hurry, when I have what I’ve wanted. It doesn’t look like I thought it would (I think I imagined something 15^th century monastery-like instead of an office in Kenya), but I have it.

And I hate it.

Like I said, He’s lovingly laughing at me.

So dear friends at home and abroad, please be praying for me in my waiting.

Mostly, I wish I knew what I was waiting for (I have a few suggestions for Him, but I’m going to keep my mouth shut) but I’m hoping by the end of the summer I’ll discover it. And when I do, I think I’ll be just a little closer to who He wants me to be.

Pray that not only will I avoid going crazy at my little desk, but that I also find joy in being alone with God. That despite the questions, anger, or confusion I might feel towards him, I’ll continue to be able to actively wait for what he has for me.

So here I sit, eat, walk, write and live ... waiting.

Let’s see what happens.

And for the record, my email finally sent.